Film Review: Predators

Arguably up until now there has only really been one truly great movie featuring one of film's most iconic aliens, the Predator, and that was the original 1987 release where the ruthless hunter was first introduced. Since then we've had its sequel, Predator 2, Aliens vs. Predator and Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem - all of which were utter gobshite. Given the legacy of shit films featuring the Predator, it is a bit of a wonder why the creature has persisted in pop culture for all these years. So one can quite understandably view this latest rendition with some trepidation and suspicion, given the precedence that has been set.

Fortunately, Predators is a very good and highly enjoyable film. It is easy to see what director Nimrod Antal has gone for here. He has brought the franchise full circle, back to its roots - a bunch of tough guys sporting over the top weaponry running around in a jungle from an invisible Predator. It was this concept which made the original great, so whilst it offers nothing new in the evolution of the Predator universe, nor does it enhance our understanding of these creatures, it does stick with what it knows best. And with that, makes it very difficult to balls up.

In this outing we are not subjected to the jungles of Earth, rather, Predators sees eight humans - military personnel and criminals - abducted and air-dropped onto an alien world. These people, representing humanity's own most vicious predators, quickly band together to ensure their survival, all the while being stalked by an invisible enemy. What comes next is a myriad of suspense punctuated by loud gunfire as one-by-one the humans are picked off.

Upon first glance at the cast one might raise an eyebrow at the casting of Adrien Brody as main tough guy. Certainly, Brody nowhere near fills Schwarzenegger's extra large fatigues, but when the shirt finally does come off it is clear that the otherwise scrawny figure has logged some serious gym time. Other than Royce (Brody), the supporting cast are not particularly fleshed out, as would be expected with this kind of movie. Given that they're all there merely to die anyway, this is understandable. Subsequently they all fall into generic archetypes. Further, to add some sense that these humans represent all of Earth rather than just plucked from the United States, they all come under painfully clichéd stereotypes. We have the South American member of a drug cartel (Trejo), the humongous beast from the east sporting a fuck-off chain gun (Taktarov), African Death Squad murderer (Ali), the silent Japanese dude who is instantly obvious as a member of the Yakuza (Changchien) and redneck serial-killer on death row (Goggins).

There is also a brief cameo from Laurence Fishburne who plays a crazed survivor from a previous hunt, but the only other character in the film to gain a bit of character development is Alice Braga's heroine IDF sniper. Otherwise the film focuses on Brody's lone-gun efforts. As for the Predators themselves, again this film misses an opportunity to explain them further. We still don't know why an Alien species which has achieved space flight is so obsessed with big game hunting. Consequently, the Predators are merely conceived in terms of how bad-ass they look.

Predators is never dull and bounds along at a frantic pace. One of the more interesting scenes was where the Yakuza character Hanzo takes on a Predator with his samurai sword. Whilst in one sense it is quite cool, it does require you to suspend belief over how ridiculous it is. Equally, and perhaps more humorously is where psycho-murderer, Stans, uses his prison shank on a Predator screaming "die, space faggot!". Unlike the 1987 Predator, Predators relies more on short bursts of intense violence rather than making it one big gore feast. This is producer Robert Rodriguez's influence, who back in 1994 penned the film's script before handing it over to Antal to refine further. What Predators amounts to is essentially 'Predator 3'. However, unlike anything previous post-Predator, this is actually a very welcome addition to the franchise.

Film Review: Machete

 

Conspiracy crackpot Alex Jones warned Robert Rodriguez's new grindhouse epic, Machete, was a sinister piece of propaganda with the expressed design of triggering a race war in the United States. Naturally with such hype surrounding the film, I eagerly anticipated its release.

First thing's first, Alex Jones is an idiot. While it is somewhat possible to see where he is tenuously grasping at straws in his assertions, only an over-sensitive, self-important prat who thinks the world is out to get him would illogically draw the same conclusions. So let's start with the plot then. Machete (Trejo) is an incorruptible Mexican federale, hell bent on taking down local kingpin Torrez (Seagal). When Machete falls into one of Torrez's traps which sees the murder of his family, he illegally crosses the Mexican border to begin a new life in the United States.

Machete doesn't take itself as seriously as Mr Jones suggests. While the plot sees Machete become embroiled in the illegal smuggling of Mexicans across the border - a sensitive issue in the United States - against a backdrop of evil redkneck whitey setting up a vigilante group to viciously murder those trying to cross, it never delves into anything sinister. If anything, Machete utterly ridicules everything in ironic fashion.

Filmed in the grainy style of the exploitation films of the seventies, the opening scene, with its stylistic camera angles, colour saturation and film scratches instantly boosts expectations for this to be as epic as Rodriguez and Tarantino's 2007 grindhouse epics, Planet Terror and Death Proof. Unfortunately, Machete doesn't measure up. There are scenes that may indeed outrage you, but this film is so stupid it's almost impossible to get angry at it. In a convoluted plot involving a conspiracy similar to those espoused by Alex Jones, the story essentially falls flat on its ass. Where Machete does win however is in its gratuitous violence. It doesn't skimp on the nudity either. Lindsay Lohan's tits make an appearance as does a quick nude scene featuring Jessica Alba. Unfortunately all the 'interesting' bits are 'artistically' hidden. Unfortunately no nudity from Michelle Rodriguez either, who looks absolutely smoking in this movie - although she does don a nice little cat suit. I'll stop perving now. Whilst everything about this film is tasteless and silly, there are some good performances. Notably, the villains in the film are incredibly fun to watch. Seagal is delightfully cheesy as Torrez and De Niro is enjoyable as the sleaze-ball senator, but it is Jeff Fahey's character, Booth, who steals the award for best performance. 

However, Machete is ultimately a disappointing film. After the opening scene the grindhouse cinematography reverts to present day style. Further, for a film with such limited dearth it is amazing at how much talking there is. For a film that boasts action, it certainly could have done with a lot more of it. While Machete may anger people with its political incorrectness, it is difficult to view such an asinine film as ever broadcasting a serious message. This is a relatively fun film to watch, but it is not what it could have been. Ultimately you could probably save yourself an hour and a half by merely watching the two-minute trailer, because the full film doesn't really offer much more than that. Except Lindsay Lohan's boobs.