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Film Review: Priest

Vampires. The most popular, cliched, and overused supernatural villain in Hollywood's armoury. It is unlikely that these nasties will ever be eradicated from our zeitgeist, and so the onus is to constantly reinvent them in that they seem 'new' each outing. Based on a Korean comic of the same name, Hyung Min-woo's creation is both a homage to the old and an attempt to infuse some life into the undead. However, while the comic's Western aesthetic and lore may appear unique to its Asian audience, it doesn't quite breathe originality into the traditions and customs surrounding these creatures in Western storytelling.

In the future perpetual conflict with the vampires has put humanity on the brink of extinction. Retreating into walled cities under protection of the oppressive Church, humanity cowers to superstition as the excommunicated roam a futuristic representation of the Wild West beyond the cities' boundaries. When a priest (Bettany), humanity's ultimate weapon used to defeat the creatures, learns that his niece (Collins) has been abducted by a resurgent army of vampires, he sets out against the Church's wishes to retrieve her.

So what sets Priest aside from other vamp movies? Well, nothing, really. It borrows from every other vampire movie you care to think of. The souped up vampire-hunter carrying an array of exotic pointy things from Blade; the dark, Blade Runner-esque near-future cities seen in modern day vamp flicks, most recently Daybreakers; and the super quick, kangaroo athleticism of I Am Legend's bats on steroids all bare uncanny familiarity here. Priest doesn't actually take elements that worked in similar films, but instead stuffs itself full of the cheesiest devices the genre has ever spouted forth.

What is admittedly an intriguing concept is executed in murky and nonsensical fashion. It's generic to the point where attempts at character development feel unnatural and forced. Indeed, there doesn't appear to be any depth to the cast, and attempts to pad them out with a backstory seem to have been considered only in passing. Each scene feels oddly disjointed from the last, attempting to create a pacey fluidity to proceedings. But in order to do this it omits reference to the logical progression of events in what ends up looking like a child's make-believe game. It's tantamount to saying 'let's go here, now let's go here' without ever really explaining why.

While Priest is short at around 87mins and moves reasonably succinctly, it fails to entertain in any great degree. Action sequences are blase, and the virtual omission of grounding story devices make it a wholly transient experience. You'll almost feel as if you just blinked.

Film Review: RED

Warren Ellis and Cull Hamner's graphic novel, RED, is a darker affair than the movie would have you believe. Eminently light hearted, RED is nonetheless still an enjoyable romp, following a group of Retired, Extremely Dangerous geriatrics who have been targeted for termination on account of knowing too much.

Bored and lonely retiree Victor Moses (Bruce Willis) fills his mundane life by finding excuses to call civil servant Sarah (Mary-Louise Parker), who deals with his pension, so he can flirt with her. Longing for some excitement, Victor is soon visited by a squad of assassins and forced to flee his home. He concludes the reason must be down to something in his CIA past, and thus embarks on a mission to get the 'old band' back together, designated 'Retired: Extremely Dangerous'.

Willis still plays the role of wisecracking badass, and while accusations of typecasting may be abound, it doesn't matter. It's Bruce Willis goddamn it! And frankly, no one in Hollywood is more suited to the part. Yet RED isn't the Willis show. As he journeys across the United States to reunite the gang, we are introduced to Joe (Morgan Freeman) living it up in a New Orleans retirement home, paranoid crackpot Marvin (John Malkovich) and former MI6 liquidator, Victoria (Helen Mirren), who is now running a B&B. All share one thing in common; their nostalgic fondness for the 'good old days'. Indeed, age hasn't left them rusty, rather RED points out the value of seasoned wisdom.

Fans of the graphic novel may not find this more effervescent version, which glosses over the character's grim pasts, to their liking. Indeed, the plot is not particularly innovative and so the film relies more on its star power than story, but RED is still a very likable and fun film which glistens with a certain charm. Who said retirement was all about the onset of Alzheimers and afternoon Countdown?