Here be Nazis...kind of...

Welcome to the National Archives. For some, it houses many of the nation's most historical documents. For me, it houses Nazis. That's right, Nazis. Sacred, hallowed ground the place may be, but they literally scowl at you for breathing in there. The slogan "Arbeit Macht Frei" plastered above the gate wouldn't look out of place. If the Gestapo were to run a library, it would be the National Archives, situated in the cosy, exceedingly middle-class area known as Kew.

The journey to the place from where I live is bad enough; a 4-hour round trip. But once I finally stagger off the tube (strangely familiar to the cattle carts of Auschwitz) and through the front gate, looking haggard with my fringe plastered to my forehead by sweat, I'm subjected to yet more dehumanisation.

Upon my first visit I was politely barked at; "Papieren bitte!". Well, it wasn't quite those words. But I had to go and get my 'documents' in the form of a 'Reader's Card' just so I could actually work in there. Every time you go through a barrier, or need to use the computer to check the catalogue you must scan your card. So, with my 'papers' finally in order, I progressed to the ominous sounding 'Reading Room'.

The reading room is a place brimming with geriatrics attempting to trace their genealogy, all the while muttering under their breath 'blast this infernal contraption', otherwise known as a computer. This isn't so bad in itself, mildly annoying, yet mildly amusing. However, the thing I take the biscuit with most is their hired goons, or 'brown shirts' as I like to call them. They prowl the desks, itching to give you the smack-down on some minor infraction, 'Article 18.3, sub-section 5, paragraph 12 - you must fill out permission form 13A to go to the toilet'. Well, the bureaucracy isn't that bad I suppose, but it may as well be!

'Security' at the National Archives really are on a power trip. A small list of infractions I have racked up after only two visits include; using a pen, having a rubber (eraser to Americans) attached to the end of my pencil, checking of my see-through bag (which they make everyone put their contents into) both on the way in and out of the building, and chewing gum. I'm probably next for the showers...