Film Review: Machete

 

Conspiracy crackpot Alex Jones warned Robert Rodriguez's new grindhouse epic, Machete, was a sinister piece of propaganda with the expressed design of triggering a race war in the United States. Naturally with such hype surrounding the film, I eagerly anticipated its release.

First thing's first, Alex Jones is an idiot. While it is somewhat possible to see where he is tenuously grasping at straws in his assertions, only an over-sensitive, self-important prat who thinks the world is out to get him would illogically draw the same conclusions. So let's start with the plot then. Machete (Trejo) is an incorruptible Mexican federale, hell bent on taking down local kingpin Torrez (Seagal). When Machete falls into one of Torrez's traps which sees the murder of his family, he illegally crosses the Mexican border to begin a new life in the United States.

Machete doesn't take itself as seriously as Mr Jones suggests. While the plot sees Machete become embroiled in the illegal smuggling of Mexicans across the border - a sensitive issue in the United States - against a backdrop of evil redkneck whitey setting up a vigilante group to viciously murder those trying to cross, it never delves into anything sinister. If anything, Machete utterly ridicules everything in ironic fashion.

Filmed in the grainy style of the exploitation films of the seventies, the opening scene, with its stylistic camera angles, colour saturation and film scratches instantly boosts expectations for this to be as epic as Rodriguez and Tarantino's 2007 grindhouse epics, Planet Terror and Death Proof. Unfortunately, Machete doesn't measure up. There are scenes that may indeed outrage you, but this film is so stupid it's almost impossible to get angry at it. In a convoluted plot involving a conspiracy similar to those espoused by Alex Jones, the story essentially falls flat on its ass. Where Machete does win however is in its gratuitous violence. It doesn't skimp on the nudity either. Lindsay Lohan's tits make an appearance as does a quick nude scene featuring Jessica Alba. Unfortunately all the 'interesting' bits are 'artistically' hidden. Unfortunately no nudity from Michelle Rodriguez either, who looks absolutely smoking in this movie - although she does don a nice little cat suit. I'll stop perving now. Whilst everything about this film is tasteless and silly, there are some good performances. Notably, the villains in the film are incredibly fun to watch. Seagal is delightfully cheesy as Torrez and De Niro is enjoyable as the sleaze-ball senator, but it is Jeff Fahey's character, Booth, who steals the award for best performance. 

However, Machete is ultimately a disappointing film. After the opening scene the grindhouse cinematography reverts to present day style. Further, for a film with such limited dearth it is amazing at how much talking there is. For a film that boasts action, it certainly could have done with a lot more of it. While Machete may anger people with its political incorrectness, it is difficult to view such an asinine film as ever broadcasting a serious message. This is a relatively fun film to watch, but it is not what it could have been. Ultimately you could probably save yourself an hour and a half by merely watching the two-minute trailer, because the full film doesn't really offer much more than that. Except Lindsay Lohan's boobs.