Germans Kill Santa Claus

Proving Germans do have a sense of humour...

Best Christmas Songs

My Top 20 Christmas Songs:

1. A Spaceman Came Travelling - Chris de Burgh
2. Last Christmas - Wham
3. Stop the Cavalry - Jona Lewie
4. Pipes of Peace - Paul McCartney
5. Do They Know It's Christmas? - Band Aid
6. Christmas Wrapping - Waitresses
7. Wonderful Christmas Time - Paul McCartney
8. Merry Christmas Everyone - Shakin' Stevens
9. I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday - Wizzard
10. Another Rock and Roll Christmas - Gary Glitter
11. Merry Xmas Everybody - Slade
12. A Winter's Tale - David Essex
13. Only You - The Flying Pickets
14. All I Want for Christmas - Mariah Carey
15. Driving Home For Christmas - Chris Rea
16. When a Child is Born - Johnny Mathis
17. Step Into Christmas - Elton John
18. Beautiful Memory - Brook Benton
19. Keeping the Dream Alive - Freiheit
20. Ring Out, Solstice Bells - Jethro Tull

Weird and Wonderful Christmas Characters

What things do you associate with 'Christmas'? Santa? Snowmen? Christmas Trees? Presents? Or perhaps for the more holy among us you place an affinity with the birth of baby Jebus or the Three Wise Men?

Well, let me introduce to you something, or rather 'someone' new to add to your Christmas preconceptions. Someone far more sinister and who is about to change everything you associate with Christmas forever.

Meet...Krampus!

This charming fellow is Germanic in origin. Of course he is. What other group of people in the world could come up with such a maligning presence to ingratiate itself on a supposedly pure and happy day of festivities? Krampus here accompanies jolly old St. Nick during the Christmas season, dragging his jingling chains behind him and punishing naughty children. Allegedly, this demon also has a penchant for birching pretty young virgins. See the artist representation below as that pervert Santa Clause peeps through the window.

Dirty Voyeur

Thought you'd get away with a lump of coal did you? Think again.

The second chap I'd like to introduce you to is Zwarte Piet, or 'Black Pete' in English. This product of Dutch and Belgian folklore is not an evil demon like our dear friend Krampus here. Instead, his primary function is to accompany Santa around the 5th or 6th of December and amuse the children, distributing sweets and presents to those that have been nice. It is said that St. Nicholas, having thrown off the shackles of his evil past (no shit, he worked with the Devil prior to his change of heart), decided to enslave a little demon of his own as an assistant.

Santa and his Golliwog

Anyway, just thought I'd share some of this fascinating strangeness. Only in Europe, eh? Merry Christmas and sweet dreams!

White Christmas

Man-made Global Warming strikes again. "We're causing the planet to heat up!!!". Yeah, when hell freezes over...erm, waitaminute...

Anywho, seeking to satisfy my inner child, I, perhaps somewhat foolishly, decided to take a little wander in this winter wonderland. Amusingly, those idiots who thought it a good idea to take their cars out for a drive found the treacherous conditions somewhat challenging to navigate. Oh how I chuckled when one car actually began sliding backwards down my hill.

But as I plodded around observing the immobilized automobiles lining the road and pondered the conceivability of how such cataclysmic scenes of chaos keep repeating year after year in a supposedly 'first world country' brought to its knees by two-inches of snow, I noticed something quite heart warming. People were getting out of their cars, and some even venturing from their homes, to help dig out the stranded motorists in an attempt to keep traffic flowing. Definitely a scene that was enough to restore anyone's faith in humanity.